RUN, MIRIAM, RUN! (Part one)

Just over 10 weeks ago, after an evening that involved too much wine, a lot of emotion and a haircut, I woke up and decided enough was enough! It was time, time for a drastic and life long change!

I have had weight issues for years, which I touched on briefly here, and have been on a hundred different diets with varying success but nothing that I was ever able to maintain.

So, what is different this time? For years I’ve heard the same thing, you have to do it for yourself. I always thought I was but I think a) I was doing it for the approval of others and b) I was doing it because I wanted to look better rather than actually wanting to be fitter and healthier. So this time, it is not about what anyone else thinks or how I look but how I feel – I now really understand about doing it for yourself.

That night ten weeks ago, could have ended very differently. I have struggled with mental health issues since my mid teens. I’ve had very low points before however, that night I really frightened myself. It took every ounce of strength I had not to stop my struggle. I can’t give you details of what I did to stop myself as, due to the alcohol, I only have flashes of memories but the important thing is I didn’t end it all and it turns out that life really begins at 41 and a bit!

I woke up the next day and my new life began. I decided I needed to loose weight and get fitter, not for the approval of others or to look more socially acceptable but to save me from myself.

Morning after the night before

After my self styled hair cut had been sorted out by my very understanding friend and hairdresser, Jane, I started to make plans. First thing on my to do list was to get back to the gym, taking it at my own pace, two days on, one day off, using the treadmill and recumbent (isn’t that a fabulous word?!) cycle.

While all this was going on I was looking for somewhere I could go to give my new, fitter lifestyle a real kick start and to get me really motivated and focused. I didn’t want a Bootcamp – who needs people shouting at you and making you feel even more worthless? I didn’t want to be starved as that is just not something I could maintain when I returned home. I wanted somewhere that looked at all of me, body and soul. After googling ‘fitness health farm NHS‘ the first place that came up after the adverts was FitFarms. Why did I add NHS to my search? Well, my thinking was if a place had links with the NHS then it should be reputable.

Google result

When I saw they had also featured on both the BBC and Channel 4, with links to the videos on their website, I felt even more reassured.

FitFarms provide retreat style breaks with the addition of lots of varied exercise, nutritional food, a range of informative workshops, a mentor and three months after care programme.

I found out all the details and how soon I could go, which was a couple of weeks away at the end of June, and spoke to Mr F – if I went away, it would be big financial commitment as well as an organisational challenge for us.

Although Mr F was very supportive of my new, more energetic lifestyle, he obviously knows me very well and raised a couple of valid concerns. His main concern was that I would return from the course initially full of motivation but that as time passed, that would wain or something would happen that prevented me from going to the gym and I would start to feel guilty, to think I had failed again and wasted everyone’s time and all of that would lead to another big depression.

Initially, I took this on board and agreed it was not for me but in my heart of hearts, I knew this was the life line (literally) that would save me. So, I came up with an plan that would hopefully a) prove to Mr F that I was committed to this new life and b) give me something to focus on and aim towards when I got home. So what was the idea? Run a 10k event for Mind, obviously!

Needless to say, Mr F was duly surprised and impressed and supported me and my new plan 100%. Feeling excited and nervous I booked my five night course with FitFarms, bought my train tickets,  juggled the children between Mr F and some fab friends and signed up for the Kew Gardens 10K*. A new chapter, a new beginning and I was RUNNING towards it with my mind and heart open to all the new possibilities!

*If you would like to sponsor me you can by visiting http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserPage.action?userUrl=MoreMiriam&faId=624097&isTeam=false

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